At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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