sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
