so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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