People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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