I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
