i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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