My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
