I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
