How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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