So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
