Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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