thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I FOUND THE LEGS
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
