that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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