She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I need water and some morals
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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