last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
