He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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