Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize