no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Randomize
