another moral hangover. fuck.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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