If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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