dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Are we still banned from the library?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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