You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
