ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
