I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
