I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
NoShamevember. You game?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
