I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
