you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
