At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
you never un-have a 4some
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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