i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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