if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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