You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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