I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
