How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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