I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I have fence marks all over my body
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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