return my video game
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
