Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
