i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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