Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
