Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just invented taco cereal.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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