wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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