i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
