I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
