I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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