mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
