You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
