how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
