The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
