I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
