I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
