Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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