My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
