We're facebook friends in real life
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Blood and glitter go together right?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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