She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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