Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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