Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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