I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
