I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
