Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
