Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
