i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
