I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
