you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
