did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
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I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
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The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I was not drunk enough for that final.