There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
