He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
