My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
