Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
