This house was built for laser tag.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
