I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She's the barista slut.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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