I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
