he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
