Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
