There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
