Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
