Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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