So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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