this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
