So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
it's great music for shaving your balls
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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