Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
