I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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